I was surprised, impressed, and grateful for all the response and back and forth between all of you. And the consensus was clear. Your voices were heard, LB readers, and by a clear and convincing margin, you decided, by a convincing 72-28% margin, you would give up...
|The last "meal"|
Actually, most of you chose some version of,"ugh, why would you ask something like that?" then spent a few lines agonizing in pain. It quickly went from "coffee vs. beer" to "which would be easier to replace?" Literally every single response pondered that. So rather than debating "coffee vs. beer," let's look at the alternatives and talk about our liquid friends...
Coffee - Lots of you said you would go tea here. My anecdote on that - stayed at my sister-in-law's for Army/Navy in DC a couple years back. They don't drink coffee, just tea. So had to go with it for the pick me up to make it to tailgating in time to keep a certain tradition going with Mojo (I'll explain in a minute). It... did... nada. I called him the second I got off the train at the stadium and begged him to stop on the way. He did. One sip did more than the whole cup of tea. Plus, Wikipedia tells us that coffee has about 4x the caffeine as standard tea. Fah T had the idea to get highly caffeinated tea, and you can buy highly caffeinated stuff online, but it's like 12 bucks a box. Hell no. And yes, Mojo, I cited Wikipedia just to annoy you. Did it work?
Other coffee replacements - Red Bull (big crash), Five Hour Energy (never tried, but heard good things), Mountain Dew (pretty rough in the morning), or gutting it out. Yikes.
My current favorite coffee? On weekend mornings, it's usual just me and ARG downstairs having breakfast, watching Mickey Mouse, and reading the paper (I love Mickey, she likes the sports section, and LB, Jr. will take any excuse for a nap with Mommy). We have nowhere to be, just relaxing, making pancakes, the occasional random hug for Daddy. And a nice warm, cup of coffee.
Beer - Surprisingly enough, Fah and Mojo were both in the minority and said beer. I think this is easier to replace, provided you are into wines and/or scotches. I would be stuck with a lot of Ketel One and Dewar's, and would probably have to learn to like wines, even though I just don't get it.
|Never give you up|
My current favorite beer? I spent a lot of time thinking about that, driving around, remembering my most recent favorites... and it finally occurred to me that they all involved good times with good friends and family. So I guess my favorite is any that I share with good company. The ones I had with my boy in Lancaster... the ones I had watching UFC fights... the ones on the cuz's back porch... Tuesday nights at the Crossings in Plymouth (bartender is a bonus)... Army/Navy tailgates... and all the beers I share with my friends and family in the D. Do we need beers to make it fun? Of course not. But it's a celebration of reunification. Or something like that.
|Indulgence is our patriotic duty|
So my choice is coffee. And I think if I had to give up either, I'd be a worse husband, father, social worker, and pretty much everything else. Is there something wrong with that? Hells no! This is America, baby! The Erie Canal was built by a bunch of drunk Irishmen paid in part in whiskey! Washington's army smoked the British hammered on beer because no one could have marched that far sober! The country that, at one point, had nearly HALF of its tax revenue coming in from alcohol taxes, leading to the eventual creation of the income tax so we could fuck around with Prohibition for a few years. And yes, all of those stories are true. Anything in moderation, and occasional overconsumption, is all good.
What, you wanted to know what my hero said? Here is his response: "Coffee. I would replace it with Bloody Marys, Five Hour Energy, and *******." Yes, folks, the first time I literally had to edit something from a reader. When I told him that, he responded, "well, I guess you could replace it with *********." And then followed it up with another. And that is why he's my hero. Fucking classic. Feel free to email me if you want to know his answers, those who know him.
Best response: From my cousin's wife, currently pregnant, "if we give up coffee, can we drink beer for breakfast?" Uhhh, how about "can" and "do?"...
|This year its 0942 and a win|
- That tradition Mojo and I have? Start drinking by 10am the day of Army/Navy. Only failed once... he was running a bit behind from picking up his dad and our coffee. I couldn't find our tailgate because they had moved lots. I texted him in the beer line when I finally made it, "going to be like 1002. I have failed my mission and my country." His response, "grab a beer and run." Okay, I'll just grab a beer from a bunch of Army vets. Good plan, Mojo. Don't think I didn't think about it, though. Text confirmation came to Mojo at 1003. I
- Back in Boston, a group of us used to do "beer breakfasts" where we'd make a late breakfast (bacon required) and bring bombers to sample and share. Great way to start a Saturday.
On that note, I'm off to enjoy a Java Stout. Contact Logical Betting at firstname.lastname@example.org and twitter.com/logicalbetting. Thanks to all who responded. See ya again in a few weeks. Hasta.