|Only this dude was shocked|
Shortly after Tiger Woods' drama a few years ago, I wrote a post about what would surprise me anymore, mostly about athletes cheating on their wives. As a follow up, we present you the very few sports headlines that would shock me and the editors. I would also like to dedicate the following jump break to the jump break, and apologize for telling it to fuck off in the last post. Even though he is a bit of a punk. I kid...
1. NY Post - Derek Jeter to troops - "My job is so much harder and more important than yours."
To quote Jeter, "I mean, think about it... I'm in front of millions of people in the most pressure packed stadium in the U.S. I make millions of dollars. What does a soldier make, really? When was the last time you saw a soldier in a mansion? Sure, they protect us and all. But I'm the one entertaining people and making them happy. And besides, doesn't cash equal importance in this country? I mean, I'm not trying to be a douche, but when you think about it, I'm sorta right on this one."
|On the underpaid list|
Notice we had to use Jeter here. There is definitely a list of athletes I wouldn't put this past, most notably A-Rod, John Rocker, and Roy Hibbert, among others. The sad thing is, it really wasn't that hard to make that paragraph up. C'mon, athletes, I know you didn't ask to be role models, but you HAVE to know it comes with the territory... looking at you, Riley Cooper...
2. USA Today - Tigers Woods - "You know, I just didn't play that well today."
Have you watched this guy's pressers lately? Has he yet admitted to hitting a bad shot? And why hasn't every golf commentator realized what the rest of us already know... TIGER IS JUST NOT THAT GREAT ANYMORE. I'm not trying to put down the wins record he's sure to break next year. He's probably going to get to 100 career wins, which is unreal. But why does everyone insist he's going to break Jack's 18 majors? Because he hasn't won one or gotten close in 5 years? Do you people realize he ISN'T going to win them at the pace he did in the past? Yes, he is the greatest golfer we have ever seen. But I will personally be shocked if he gets to 18. Just not gonna happen. He's done. Physically and mentally.
3. Local Paper - "The Detroit Lions/Cleveland Browns/Cincinnati Bengals win the Super Bowl!!!"
|He said it...|
NFC - Division Winners - Packers, Giants, Seahawks, Saints. Wild Cards - Bears, 49ers
AFC - Division Winners - Pats, Bengals, Broncos, Texans. Wild Cards - Chiefs, Steelers
NFC Championship - Seahawks over Saints. AFC Championship - Broncos over Pats
Super Bowl - Broncos 24, Seahawks 20.
4. Internets Blow Up - Selig - "Baseball has not fully addressed the steroid problem. And until we do, all records from 1994 forward will have their own wing in the Hall of Fame."
|Make me happy!|
1st time offense - One year ban, AND the following occurs... the player's yearly salary is reduced to the league minimum. In other words, instead of Braun having around $100 million left on his deal, he's got about $2.8 million.
2nd time offense - Lifetime ban.
And that, my friends, is what you call a deterrent. I've long given up on baseball as our national pastime anymore, thought it will always be my favorite sport. Football has permanently taken over (honorable mention shocking headline - "NFL disbands due to safety concerns."). But if baseball adopted that policy, it might just have a shot at getting back. The union would never go for this, but it would about guarantee a return to sanctity for our records.
twitter.com/logicalbetting. See you for the NFL season. Hasta.